crush

crush, it could mean squishing something until everything is flat. LOL.
but it also could mean having a feelings towards someone without them knowing it.
well let see, since im in my sappy love emotion mood i probably will talk about the latter.

anyway
have you ever had a crush on someone before? i mean not like celeb crush or anything similar but one where you always see them and be like OMG HE'S COMING MY WAY FUCK.
i classified 3 level of crush.

FIRST LEVEL : the "omg he's cute" and the start of it.
i believe we all begin at this level, where we just started to notice them, even if they have been around us for the longest time.
we started stealing glaze a few times and we start to get curious about them
but most probably we will ignore it because we would think it was nothing

SECOND LEVEL : the talk with friends.
this level is for people with friends. LOL. i mean not like i have friends but well, lewl.
by this time, your friends probably noticed you behavior around them or you had already told them.
you'll friends will start going "THE D IS COMING" and you'll be like "act normal" and they'll do all sort of faces to act normal but ended up being all funny and makes you more noticeable than before.
but well, this level is also when you started finding info of them. school magazine, facebook, twitter or whatever social sites you can find that they're in. you may or not added them or follow them what so ever but you'll probably only search it up a few times.

THIRD LEVEL : the "I WILL FIND YOU AND MARRY YOU"
this is level is boundaries pain, you basically do ANYTHING to react with them. Well, not exactly react but at least seeing their faces. You'll find out what clubs they're in, what sport they play and what course they're taking. Maybe you kind accidently joined the clubs they're in. OR MAYBE NOT I MEAN, YOU DONT SAY.
you'll have code name with your friends for them or any signature move that will be done every time you see them.
you know where they usually walk, what is their bag colour, their body type, their hobbies, their routine. If you like kpop, this basically is sasaeng activity without the "OPPA I WROTE YOU THE PERIOD LETTER" lol. you will walk the same path, so that you can walk across each other, you also will find a way to talk to them, even if that means stuttering like an idiot what so ever.
you get jealous seeing them with their girls friends and you'll be envious of whoever react with them. even their water bottle. YES. WATER BOTTLE. THOSE LIPS UNF.

but then there's this level where we just couldn't call it a crush anymore. the level that i got in today.

you want nothing but him, HIM. HIM. HIM. and seeing them with other hurt like hell, cant even considered as jealous anymore.
just the thought of not seeing him make you sad.
idek. its just overwhelming, my friends accidentally do something that may or may not make him know that i like him, i became so upset that i had to walk away from the class for awhile, goes to the toilet and cry. I couldn't even hold it on the way, i cried and people who walked pass me and like so quiet. they must thought i was a freak or something.
punched the walk, screamed, kick the door, but it just wouldn't go away.
why am i upset? because if he knew that i have a crush on him, he would avoid me, he would think im disgusting and he would think very lowly of me.
and i dont want that, i want him to hold me, adore me, or he could abuse me or hit me all he want or anything, as long as he notice me and know about me.
the last thing i want is for him to avoid me.
please god
dont let him avoid me, i love him, i love him with all my souls. pls.
i'm overdosed.