Random thought at 2am

You know, its kinda ridiculous when people judge other people because of something that they can't control or is hard to control.
For example, gender. I know that most people are against homosexuality because of religion aspect, but it is right for them to mentally and physically abused those kind of people? I mean you guys did dislike them because of your religion, but does your religion asked you to hit them or embarass them in the public or take their right away? I'm pretty sure no. So why do you do that?
Okay enough about religion. Let take example in my perspective instead.

I like to dance. I really like to dance. Like, dance in general, not just kpop dance cover. I want to create some badass or cool choreograph and impress people with it. But those kind of things is kinda impossible for me you know? It not just because environment or money problem, as surprising as this could be, that's not even half of my problem. It probably only like 20% of my problem.
My biggest problem is that i take people opinion very seriously. I'm a very emotional person, if my friend doesn't talk with me i would think that i did something very wrong and decided to be very quiet to not annoy them any further, if people talk badly about my personality i would be very offended and maybe talk bad about them to myself. So when people laugh at me, i may laugh with them too, but deep inside i just want to run to the toilet and cry myself in there. weeps, i actually did that a few times.

People would laugh at me whenever i try to dance. Like, i would stand up and do some hand gesture and people would be like "omg hahaha stop you look ridiculous dont even try" "she's not my friend, my friend doesnt dance this bad" Why? Because of my appearance, my weight. Obviously i'm very big, but does that mean that i couldn't do anything? inside my friends saying yes Unfortunately this doesn't only happen when i tried to dance, it happen when i tried being pretty too. Have you ever have a friends who just like to insult you just because you were trying on some make up? In public? And when they were trying make up too? I just laughed with them, but i seriously wonder why? why can't i try those make up? Oh my god if you go to sephora you'll see people do a complete make over from the sample there so why? Okay maybe because you're not use to it but YOU were trying on some make up too so WHY? Why me? Why not the other friends who were applying some of the sample lipstick too?

Maybe it was my personality. I tends to make people laugh, because i like to make people laugh. I grew up thinking to myself "make them cry, make them laugh until they cry" because i feel happy seeing them laugh and smiling of joy because of me. You could ask my friends how if i'm funny or not, they probably answer it like "she's the joker of the group" or something like that. It's in my instinct to do funny stuff whenever i can. But other people do that stuff too? Other SKINNY people. They weren't judged by people though? Then why do i get judged?

It's not fair. I have friend who think they're good in dancing when they literally dance like a frog. (Of course i don't shove it to their throat or something lol tho people do that to me about everything) I was like "yeah..... you're totally um............ good" I mean you don't dance like you totally changed the whole choreo and be like "yo thats my style" unless you're planning to embarass yourself infront of every single human on earth i say NO. But she doesn't get any commentary like me, why? Probably because she's skinny. See the difference now? If you're fat and you want to dance then people will judge you. If you normal or skinny and you want to dance people would be like "nah".

Dancing is my way of expressing myself, at least for now, to myself. I don't just dance to some kpop song, i will find some cool sounded song and choreo it myself and forget it the next day. So when people say something about my dancing whether it bad or good, it leave 100 times more impact to myself. If you say my dancing is good you'll see me trying to hold my smile and ended up looking like a crazy ass dog that found some meatballs on the street. That how much it influenced me.

So ladies, gentlemen, i want you to ask yourself if you're reading, have you ever judge someone because of those ridiculous view? It doesn't have to just be about weight or gender, it could be about height too, and their social status and many other things! If you do, i hope you change towards them, it would be even better if you apologize to them. I hope you do.

Xoxo, sasha who is currently emo at 3am. (lol 1 hour of writing this)
Until the next adventure.